


HSWC 2014 Bonus Round 7 Fills

by spockandawe



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Age Difference, Alcohol, Anger, Anniversary, Arguing, Awkward Kissing, Bad Parenting, Bathing/Washing, Biting, Black Romance, Blood, Blood Drinking, Body Horror, Butts, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Car Accidents, Child Abuse, Childhood Friends, Comfort, Cosplay, Cruelty, Death, Drunkenness, Embarrassment, Eyeliner, F/F, F/M, Fashion & Couture, Fights, First Time, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Gen, Goodbyes, Helmsman, Infomercials, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Makeup, Mistaken Identity, Misunderstandings, Morality, Nightmares, Nonbinary Character, Old Age, Pale Porn, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Parent Death, Parent-Child Relationship, Pesterlog, Police, Ridiculous, Royalty, Science, Self-cest, Sewing, Silly, Singing, Surprise Kissing, Sweat, Teasing, Torture, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-14
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-13 03:00:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 14,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2134587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spockandawe/pseuds/spockandawe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All my written fills for the seventh bonus round of the 2014 HSWC. Some of these go into potentially upsetting topics, but relevant warnings for each of the stories are listed in the notes at the beginning of each chapter.</p><p>    These fills were written as remixes of other people's fills for previous rounds of HSWC. Links to the original inspirations will be included in chapter notes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jade/Rose: In Which Jade And Rose Do Couple Cosplay As Sollux And Eridan

**Author's Note:**

> By the way, any creators of the original works who want to send me updated links for any of their pieces, please feel free to do so!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Liasangria's art](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/18819.html?thread=3316099#cmt3316099)
> 
> Warning for discussion of blood and violence in this story

gardenGnostic [GG] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]  
  
GG: hey!!!  
GG: did you get everything you needed?  
GG: i dont want to be a pest but were kind of starting to run out of time :(  
TT: You need not worry for any longer.  
TT: I was aware of the potential difficulties when I chose this outfit  
TT: You may rest secure in the knowledge that the last pieces have been set in motion./strong>  
GG: oh good!!!! :D  
GG: i was really worried that it wouldnt work out  
GG: eridan has some really weird taste in clothing  
TT: ...  
TT: Eridan has hideously unfortunate taste in clothing  
TT: His shirt was relatively simple.  
TT: I managed a rough applique of his sign, and I am only grateful that his sign is not a terribly even shape in the first place.  
TT: It took only a little searching to find a scarf in the appropriate colors, but these stripes are not an uncommon style.  
TT: And believe it or not, I found a near-perfect pair of pants at a thrift store.  
TT: They are men's pants and could certainly be a better fit, but as it happens, they are large enough to accommodate my hips.  
TT: If you might see your wait to helping me with the pinning, I think they will serve admirably.  
GG: and the shoes???  
TT: Paint.  
TT: I absolutely cannot believe he found those shoes without paying extravagant amounts of money for them.  
TT: In my experience, the ugliest clothing is always the most expensive.  
TT: The paint is only a temporary solution, but it should last well enough for the weekend.  
GG: true!!! :D  
GG: im guessing you had to make the cloak from scratch??  
GG: because real people dont actually wear cloaks :/  
TT: Very true.  
TT: It is rather unfortunate that Eridan does not appear to be a real people.  
TT: I purchased the fabric and Kanaya gave me some advice on using interfacing to stiffen the collar.  
TT: From this point, it should largely just be a matter of hemming the fabric as appropriate.  
TT: And, ah.  
TT: Not to be a bother, but have you had a chance to finish the horns?  
GG: yes!!!  
GG: well nearly  
GG: i think ive got the shapes pretty perfect and i have them fixed to the headbands but i still need to paint them  
GG: it was SUCH A PAIN to make FOUR horns for sollux :P  
GG: and you would not BELIEVE how much grey body paint i have!! :DDD  
GG: if you have to do the sewing tonight and want me to help with the pants i could come and do the painting at your place?  
GG: we could even put on a silly movie if it won't distract you too much!  
TT: Yes, I would find that quite acceptable.  
TT: As it happens, Karkat has lent me a video which he gave the most glowing of reviews.  
TT: He said he doubted our pitiful human brains could appreciate the subtlety of the plot and romance.  
TT: But I believe we could make a very spirited effort.  
GG: that sounds perfect!  
GG: just let me get everything together and ill head right out for your place ;D  
GG: see you soon!  
  
gardenGnostic [GG] ceased trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]


	2. Feferi♠Eridan: In Which Feferi Gets So Fed Up With Eridan's Attempts To Win Her Back That She Flips Pitch On Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Liasangria's art](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/18819.html?thread=3943043#cmt3943043)

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]  
  
CC: You know w)(at?  
CC: I'm done.  
CC: I'm done wit)( you, I'm done with all the BULLFIS)( you try to pull on me, and I'm done with --EV---ERYT)(ING!  
CC: i'm just DON-----------E!  
CA: oh yeah  
CA: wwell you nevver kneww wwhat a good thing you had evven wwhen it wwas right there in front of you  
CA: wwhy am i supposed to act surprised youre carin about me as little as evver  
CC: As little as ever?  
CC: AS LITTL--E AS ----EV------ER??? 3>8(  
CC: O)( my GLUB, w)(y was I expecting you to be any more understanding about t)(is t)(an you are about anyt)(ing --ELS----E?  
CC: You would not bereef all the time I put into you, over sweeps and sweeps and SW--E----PS!  
CC: And you don't efin know )(ow muc)( time I spent just WORRYING that -I- was failing you somehow!  
CA: ooooh im fef an i use fish puns  
CA: im so edgy glub glub glub  
CC: You aren't efin LIST---ENING!!!  
CA: ooh eridan you arent listenin im fef an evveryFIN goes perfect for me evver but its still okay to wwhine aBOAT howw hard my life is  
CA: an you clearly arent listenin thats probably howw you manage to directly respond to evveryFIN i say  
CA: glub glub more fish puns because im just that clevver  
CC: T)(at is it.  
CC: T)(at is ABSOL-----EUT---------ELY IT.  
CC: T)(e next time I see you, w)(at you are getting is a trident to the coddamn FAC-------E! 3>8(  
CA: yeah wwell its gonna be real fun tryin to use that trident wwhen your face has been fried off by a wwwand a wwhite science  
CA: come off it you arent evven gonna havve a chance to use a clumsy fuckin specibus like yours  
CC: You know w)(at?  
CC: I t)(ink w)(en t)(at violet starts dripping down your c)(eek, it's going to be one of the most satisfying t)(ings I )(ave ----EV---------ER seen!  
CA: oooh kinky  
CC: W)(at the glub?  
CA: oh come off it  
CA: stop fuckin playin clueless  
CA: you wwanna string me along in the wwrong quadrant for swweeps an then flip right into another quadrant i nevver fuckin cared about  
CC: ...  
CC: W)(ale.  
CC: So W)(AT if I do??  
CC: Do you t)(ink I'd actually PITY you after all the bullfis)( you put me t)(roug)(?????  
CC: And you just see if I ever want to )(elp take CAR----E of you ever again!  
CC: If I say I want to put my trident to your face and see a little blood, you D----EAL wit)( it!  
CC: You eit)(er agree t)(at you want to do the SAM--------E, w)(ic)( seems pretty coddamn likely considering )(ow you were t)(reatening me wit)( your STUPID little wand.  
CC: OR.  
CC: You say no t)(anks not interested and DON'T ACCEPT T)(E WRONG QUADRANT AND T)(EN MAKE YOUR EX PAY FOR IT SWEEPS LATER BECAUSE YOU ENTERED T)(E RELATIONS)(IP ON DIS)(ONEST GROUNDS!!!!!!!!  
CC: Now.  
CC: ---ERIDAN.  
CC: PICK.


	3. Eridan♦Feferi: In Which Feferi Attempts To Take Down A Skyhorse Lusus To Feed Her Mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Thescyfychannel's fic](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/18819.html?thread=3371139#cmt3371139)

         You're just swimmin around your hive, mindin your own business, an even doin a good job a listenin to your dad about stayin close to home an not gettin out into deep water. When you see another troll creepin up the side a your beach, you don't mind all that much. You saw her before she saw you, which means you're doin somethin right, an she looks like she's barely pupated. A bit smaller than you, maybe your age, _definitely_ not older than you. You're just thinkin a gettin yourself pulled together an makin some kind a dramatic entrance, impressin her a bit with how imposin a figure you are. But then you see dad sleepin outside your hive, an the girl's eyein him and raisin a weapon a some kind, _shit--_  
  
          You don't have time for finesse or your specibus or any a that shit you just fuckin slam into her full on an knock her face-down into the sand, and while she's still gaspin for air, you get on top a her, catch her wrists behind her back, and snarl, "The _hell_ do you think you're doin?"  
  
          She makes a weird-ass little glub sound, an you feel her gills flex next to your legs. "I'm just trying to feed my lusus!"  
  
          She-- what? What kinda lusus eats other lusii? Isn't that, uh, damagin to troll lifecycles or somethin, you've only just started your biology schoolfeeds-- While you're tryin to figure out what she means, she wrenches her hands free an wriggles out from under you before you can react, like an _eel_ or some shit, an... runs straight into your dad. Not gonna lie, you straight up laugh at the look on her face when she bounces off his thorax. Your dad, he ain't one for offense so much, but he's herdin her back your way an not lettin her slip past, an yeah, you have the _best_ dad ever hatched.  
  
          You pull yourself up as tall as you can, because you're fuckin _royalty,_ right, an say in your best highblood tones, "Give me one reason why I shouldn't cull you right now." An then you get a proper look at the color a her fins, and catch on half a second too late what your dad's tryin to say to you, and, um. Oh. "Tyrian? Uh. Like the empress??"  
  
          She snorts, an it's so fuckin un-regal that you're almost ashamed a your own behavior. "Don't have to answer to _you!_ "  
  
          You're so fuckin adrift you're gonna die lost at sea. But. Your dad's hammered some manners into you, right, an you can at least do your best to remember what he told you because you have _no_ fuckin clue how to handle this. "Would you like to come in for a cup a tea?"


	4. Eridan♠/♥Dirk: In Which Prince Dirk Sneaks Into A Rival Kingdom's Palace To Assassinate Prince Ampora, And It Goes Incredibly Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Thescyfychannel's fic](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/18819.html?thread=4187011#cmt4187011)

         So you're just takin mornin ablutions, mindin your own business, when all this fuckin shit starts to go down. You've been havin a fuckin rough time, okay? Isn't easy bein as young as you are an commandin an entire army. Crown prince or no, these ancient fuckin generals give you _no_ respect, an there's military threats outside a the kingdom, so you shouldn't be havin to deal with all this bullshit from the fuckin idiots who _should_ be on your side. You could be leadin your father's armies on a massive expansion a his lands if the armies would just fuckin _cooperate._ As it is, you're bein held back by a bunch a morons who don't deserve to have you leadin if they're goin to make your life a mess a unendin misery. So you make up for it with the longest, most indulgent ablutions this side a the country.  
  
          You're just leavin your ablution block, wearin a towel an tryin to think what in your wardrobe is best goin to convey 'wise, noble, incredibly intelligence, handsome, brilliant, totally fuckin full a military knowledge, etc, etc' when you spot the man in your bedroom. Now, maybe you can't be bothered to pay much mind to politics, seein as you're a military genius an other people can be paid to take care a the borin shit for you, but you're near certain that's one a the princes from one a the nearby kingdoms. Prince Dick? Dirk? Maybe? Or, uh... One a those kingdoms. You pull yourself up, as regal as you can be when you're wearin nothin but a towel, an ask him what the fuck he's doin in your chambers.  
  
          He advances with a sword, an you could just sigh with how hard your life is. You shouldn't be surprised, a course enemies will be lookin to take down a threat as dangerous as you. You're basically the most important person in this kingdom, an it is downright fuckin _horrifyin_ how hard your life is. You draw a sword from where it rests near your respiteblock door, because a course you're smart enough to make sure you've always got your weapons at hand. He fights well enough, you _suppose._ A course he's nowhere as good as you. You don't even falter when your towel falls, an soon enough you've got him right where you want him, pinned against your wall with your sword at his throat. What did he expect? You're simply the best there is.  
  
          Once you're there, starin at each other, both breathin hard (an you're embarrassingly conscious a the fact that your towel's halfway across the room), you're ashamed to admit that your sword wavers, just a touch. His arm snakes around your waist, an you don't hardly consider choppin it off, which is strange enough. But then he gets his other hand in your hair an pulls you down into a hot, angry kiss. You're still tryin to figure out which way is up, an whether you were kissin this asshole back (you were totally kissin this asshole back), when he breaks away, bows, an says somethin mockin about how next time you should try to keep your pants on. He's out the window an gone while you're still tryin to catch your breath, and you're just left standin there wonderin what the _fuck_ just happened.


	5. Aradia/Equius: In Which Aradia Is Fascinated By Equius' Butt, And, Perhaps, Equius Is Likewise Fascinated By Hers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Quilly's fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1848157)

         Your name is Equius Zahhak, and. Ah.  
  
          Your relationship with your dear moirail means that, unfortunately, you are forced to spend a considerable amount of time with trolls far below you in social standing. And most unfortunately of all, the lowest of these lowbloods, the troll barely worth more than the dirt she walks on... has a body so bewitchingly hypnotic that you can barely bring yourself to look away.  
  
          If left to your own devices, you would make every effort to cease associating with her immediately. Except that then your dreadful... you mean _dear_ moirail insists on dragging you along to these interminable roleplay sessions at her hive, during which you certainly never have enjoyed yourself, not _once,_ of course.  
  
          On this particular night, Aradia answers her door when Nepeta knocks, and turns to lead the two of you into her hive. Embarrassingly, your gaze is _transfixed_ by the sight of-- ah, the sight of her _posterior._ It-- It is infuriatingly hypnotic in how it shifts as she walks, and you feel yourself break out into a sweat at the lewdness of the spectacle. Has she no shame? As you and Nepeta help yourself to food and drink, you feel her eyes on you, and sweat harder at the terrifying thought that she has noticed your eyes on her.  
  
          The roleplaying is easier. Once she is sitting instead of standing and, and-- _flaunting_ her anatomy, it is a simple matter to focus on the foolish matters of the game, even when Ampora bursts in and makes a fool of himself, arriving an entire hour too late. You find yourself painfully struck every time Aradia uses words such as rump and butt, and you find yourself fretting that your guilt is written plainly all over your face.  
  
          Even after the game is finished for the night, you catch her eyes on you, and break out into an even deeper sweat. That haughty judgment from a lowblood-- And yet _you_ are ultimately to blame for allowing yourself to be ensnared by her charms. Yes. Those charms. Those features of anatomy which you can visualize most perfectly in your mind, soft and curving and--  
  
          You abruptly stand and walk to a window and make a most serious attempt to distract yourself with noble thoughts of musclebeasts and your other more _worthy_ interests. You are making some progress until you hear laughter from behind you and turn to find Aradia and Terezi laughing at you. You are quite unsure what you have done to draw their attention, and from behind your dark glasses, you are nearly certain they must have missed the way your eyes, without your conscious direction, immediately scanned up and down Aradia's body. They are still laughing, but with no explanation forthcoming, you turn back to the window and make another attempt to stop thinking about Aradia's... _posterior._


	6. Porrim♠Cronus: In Which Cronus Messes Up Badly With Porrim And Brings Her A Gift Of Her Favorite Food

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Quilly's fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1848133)
> 
> Warning for blood in this story

         He screwed up. He screwed up so badly that you have a hard time believing that even _Cronus Ampora_ could make this many mistakes without doing it deliberately. And you are furious. You are so incredibly furious that it's come full circle through anger, and come out the end to a horrible calm.  
  
          When he knocks on your door, you even smile. Yes. You're looking forward to how he explains this all away (you don't even need him to confess, the evidence is _all there_ on the internet for _everyone_ to see), and convinces you that it's fine that his 'night out with the boys' somehow ended up with a missing fang, a bar fight, drunken makeouts with _Damara,_ and taking _body shots off a random stranger's abs._ You're sure this explanation will indeed be a thing of beauty.  
  
          You open the door with the smile on his face, and you can see him swallow hard and nearly take a step back. His fins are pinned against the sides of his head, and he doesn't seem to want to look you in the eyes. Whyever could that be? You stand there waiting and smiling until he tilts his head back to bare his neck, and mutters, "Sorry."  
  
          You pull him inside and shut the door _hard_ behind him, just to watch him jump. You take your time, even when he asks you if you can just get it over with. Why on _earth_ would you care about making this easy for him? You pause with a hand tangled in his hair and your fangs just brushing the side of his neck, and tell him this is overkill, just so you can make him _ask_ for it.  
  
          Your fangs barely break skin before his knees buckle, and you catch him and hold him against you as you drink your fill. You savor the way he gasps and shifts against you almost as much as you enjoy the taste of his blood. You take as much as you need, then as much as you _want,_ and then you drink a little further until he begins to struggle weakly against your grip. You take one last long pull, and then release him.  
  
          The next time he makes a mistake, you look meaningfully at his throat, and enjoy the way he shivers and flushes violet. Well, if he hadn't wanted to set a precedent, perhaps he shouldn't have made the first offer.


	7. Dave♥/♦Karkat: In Which Dave Has Nightmares And Sleeps In Karkat's Bed, But Refuses To Drop The Coolkid Act

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Fish_princess's fic](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/18819.html?thread=3632003#cmt3632003)

         "Sup."  
  
          You are chill. You are the chillest of chill bros, and you are absolutely not ruffled by recurring dreams of about a psychotic murder-clown stalking the asteroid who apparently gets his jollies painting on the walls in blood. There's no reason to be freaked out by that, because hey, that is an absolutely factual thing that is part of your everyday life, and you are _dealing_ with it.  
  
          It's just that if you aren't sleeping anyways, why not slip out of your room and keep up with your social commitments? You are one hell of a social butterfly, and just look, you haven't even been leaving calling cards, none of the basics. You have been positively _neglecting_ Karkat lately, and that shit ain't cool. He's gotta know you care. So here you are, in his bedroom (you even managed to slip under the covers with him), and whispering only the tenderest endearments in his ear.  
  
          When he finally wakes up he jerks away, and... right off the side of the bed. Oh god, too hilarious. You are best bros with an actual cartoon character and you wouldn't have it any other way. He glares at you, but hey, par for the course. That's how he shows he cares. He doesn't climb back up to the bed, though, and that shit ain't cool. He just chews you out for busting into his room, rolls over, and apparently starts trying to go to sleep on the bare floor.   
  
          So of _course_ you get down there with him, what the fuck did he think was going to happen?  
  
          You maintain absolute chillness, even when he actually starts trying to shove you away with a judiciously applied hand to the face (and claws way too fucking close to your eyes). And even when he catches your wrist and starts giving you a serious _look,_ you are absolutely opaque and not freaking out over his crazy clown bro, nope, not at all, you are the chillest of chill assholes--  
  
          He takes off your sunglasses, and what, no, you feel naked like this and it's not okay. But with the way he's looking at you, the snarky one-liner trips over itself in your throat and when you open your mouth, nothing comes out at all. When he climbs back onto the bed and pats the space next to him, you're pretty sure you just lost, but whatever, it feels like winning and you'll fucking take it.


	8. Mindfang♠Dualscar: In Which Dualscar Gets So Incredibly Drunk He Tries To Serenade Mindfang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Fish_princess's fic](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/18819.html?thread=3678595#cmt3678595)
> 
> Warning for alcohol in this story

         You, you know when you're bein fuckin set up, _okay?_ An you're not, you're not a complete idiot, but you're not just gonna back down from a challenge from your fuckin kismesis like that. Besides, she's tiny as shit an' you're seriously fuckin massive. You were so, so sure that you had this fight in the bag until you tried to count the empty bottles on the floor (an couldn't focus your eyes) an tried to stand up (an fell over three goddamn times in a row, what the _hell_ ).  
  
          She'd been all 'bluh bluh not for the weak-hearted' an shit, but you know full fuckin well that she must've _cheated_ because you refuse to believe that she can outdrink you. You fuckin _hate_ her. Once you were good an drunk (an she was shamefully fuckin sober), she tried to leave you there an head off to her recuperacoon, but ha. Haaaaaa. You're onto her game. So yeah, maybe your hand is on the wall to keep you upright, but you are standin guard on her respiteblock door an she can't slip past and haaahaha she is fuckin _pissed._  
  
          You're still a bit (extremely) unsteady, an you almost tip over once or twice while she tries to argue her way past you. But you, you're. Smartest troll on the planet is what you are, an if she plannin to fuckin outthink you, she's got another thing comin! You are debatin her an she's gettin mad that you're smarter than she is, cause she's like. The worst. The _actual_ worst, an you bet she was just drinkin fuckinwater the whole time cause that's how much she sucks.   
  
          You're carefully explainin why she _is_ the worst when she decides to fuckin slip past you, but you are sly like a. Like a thing. Animal. You catch her leg an hang on to it cause you're not gonna just let her go like that. An, see. An you hate her so, so much an it's all her fault that you're this drunk, an no matter how fuckin pissed she is at you _now,_ you're gonna make sure she's even more pissed by the time you're done.  
  
          So you sing to her. You have many, many fuckin virtues. Uncountable. That's how many virtues. But a good singin voice is not one a them, and that's when you're sober. She grimaces an snarls, which is just perfect. You try to slip your hand a bit further up her leg, but she grabs it an digs her claws in good an sharp, which means you're really gettin to her. Because, hahaha, _fuck her,_ seriously. When she shoves that hand away, you go for her other leg with your other hand, and haaaaaaa, she almost goes over sideways.  
  
          She gets you by the shirt collar an is sayin somethin that you're not quite catchin, an doin. A thing. But it's been a long day an you worked hard, and leanin back against the wall feels almost as good as sopor, an you just pass out secure in the knowledge that you _totally_ won the night.


	9. Sollux♦Kanaya: In Which Sollux Tries To Update Kanaya's Husktop And Is Subjected To Kanaya Updating Their Wardrobe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Doxian's fic,](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1655660) which also draws partial inspiration for the nonbinary Sollux and their dress from [this](http://nbstuck.tumblr.com/post/85577769639/aaaahhh-i-hope-i-have-done-this-excellent) picture

         So you're elbow-deep (metaphorically) in the guts of Kanaya's husktop, and this shit is fucking _horrifying._ God, you're almost sure that at this point it would be easier to just buy a new husktop and start from scratch. But no, you have to be the stupid asshole who can't let a single thing go, and you promised to fix her husktop, so you are going to _fix_ her husktop. But you swear to fuck, if you didn't have _firsthand experience_ with how awful Kanaya is with tech, you'd be absolutely certain she sabotaged her husktop on purpose.  
  
         You're just grumbling to yourself about how does a person not _know_ when they upgraded their shit when she stalks into the room and asks when you last upgraded your wardrobe. What? It's just _clothes,_ and who the fuck cares, it's not like it's something important like your tech. But no, she pulls you away from the husktop that you are fixing out of the _goodness of your pump biscuit_ and off to her respiteblock.  
  
         You fight the urge to run as she holds up clothes in hideously bright colors with embellishments and shiny bits, and you don't even know because why the fuck would you care about shit like that? But thank _fuck_ she throws most of that aside, and the pile she hands you includes a loose black dress that actually feels like clothing. You think it's over at that point, and hey, fashion turns out to be a lot easier than you thought, but then you turn to head back to working on her husktop... and she starts herding you over towards a cabinet that, _fuck,_ appears to be packed with a horrifying variety of beauty products.  
  
          Kanaya insists on doing your hair and makeup both, and yes, okay, you can put up with this shit from your moirail, but what does any one person need with _so many_ beauty products? At what point does putting more shit all over your body stop making any noticeable difference? Whatever, it's nice to feel her hands on your face and hair, and she's decent enough to notice that you finally reach the limit of your patience while she's in the middle of putting crap on your face. When she _finally_ lets you get at a mirror, you look... nice. You look actually nice. You fidget and out of the corner of your eye, you watch Kanaya watching you, and after a moment, you stretch up to kiss her on the cheek.


	10. Eridan♠Sollux: In Which They Get In A Fistfight, Only To Share A Sudden, Passionate Kiss, And Are Too Embarrassed Afterwards To Look Each Other In The Face For Weeks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Doxian's fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1729856)
> 
> Warning for violence in this story

          It's all about FF, _obviously._ You'd have to be an even bigger moron than Eridan not to realize it. Never mind that she dumped _him,_ and she's been waiting for-fucking-ever to move on. Nope, it's time to pull a classic Eridan and make up a fantasy version of real life where somehow you transform from asshole into poor, blameless martyr.  
  
          He even followed the two of you to LOBAF, and isn't that just fucking pathetic? Sure, all the planets are connected, but yeah, _suuuuuuure_ Eridan just _happened_ to be in the same place as you and FF. The two of you are minding your own business, working on your quests and fighting some imps. It's all fine until you spot Eridan lurking on the far side of the hill, just watching, like a fucking _creep._  
  
         You leave the last few imps for FF and start flying over to give him a piece of your mind, but then he lifts his shitty-ass rifle and sights on you and fucking _hell,_ that is it, _that is absolutely it._ It doesn't even occur to you to use your psionics, you just fucking smash into him. The two of you go tumbling over down the hill, and as soon as you get your bearings, you punch him in the jaw. It's probably the shittiest punch ever thrown by a troll, but it seems to do the job.  
  
          You punch him again before he gets his bearings, but he manages to scratch you right across the face, and _god,_ how many times do you have to tell him to fucking _fuck off?_ He might be a shitty fighter, but you're not much better. You are going to fucking _die_ if FF sees you like this. But even though you technically know that you'd be better at a distance, you can't bring yourself to let go of him and back off to bring your psionics into play.  
  
         He get you pinned under him, straddling your waist, with his fucking awful scarf hanging down in your face. You're fighting back and shoving at him, and he gets the ugliest, stupidest shit-eating grin on your face and _kisses_ you. It's. Uh. He's the worst fucking asshole you've ever had the displeasure of meeting, and that feels really, _really_ good. When he bites on your lip, you grab his awful cape and yank himm down hard to kiss him back.   
  
         It lasts for maybe half a minute before you come back to your senses, and oh god, most embarrassing half minute of your _life._ You blast him off of you with your psionics and do your best to wipe off your mouth. He even has the nerve to ask you why you stopped, and that's it, that is _the absolute limit_ of your patience. You blast him again, and thank fuck he finally passes out.   
  
         As it happens, FF was on the wrong side of the hill to see what went down. You promise to tell her what happened as long as she agrees that you two can go far away, _right now,_ and never ever speak of this incident again.


	11. Jane♠Feferi: In Which Jane And Feferi Argue About The Identity Of The Tyrian Blood Responsible For The Destruction Of Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Mamestuck's picture](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/19285.html?thread=4607573#cmt4607573)

gutsyGumshoe [GG] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]  
  
GG: So.  
GG: I hear YOU'RE the lady responsible for everything.  
CC: )(ello t)(ere!  
CC: I don't t)(ink I can claim responsibility for --EV---ERYT)(ING, but I do like to keep busy! 38)  
CC: Just w)(ic)( 'everyt)(ing' are you talking about?  
GG: You've got fuschia blood and all, don't you?  
GG: The head of troll society.  
GG: And all of these horrible things are YOUR fault!  
CC: ...  
CC: W)(ale.  
CC: I prefer tyrian!  
CC: And isn't it obvious that my blood is t)(at color from the T--EXT?  
CC: You're a little slow, aren't you? 38(  
GG: EXCUSE ME??  
CC: Plus, I still don't know w)(at you're even talking aboat!  
CC: 'All of t)(ese )(orrible t)(ings' isn't really muc)( more specific t)(an 'everyt)(ing,' is it? 38P  
GG: You're the empress!!!  
GG: All of the things!  
GG: The things that have gone wrong!  
GG: You're the one who set it all in motion!  
GG: There's too much to list, but let's start out with, oh, I don't know, THE DESTRUCTION OF MY PLANET?  
CC: O)()()()()(.  
CC: )(a)(a, you've got that ---ENTIR------ELY wrong!!  
CC: Nope, that's not M-----E!  
GG: You filthy liar.  
GG: You just ADMITTED it was you!  
GG: Are you trying to go back on your story when the evidence is right there for anyone to see?  
CC: Um, no???  
CC: You're not very brig)(t. 38/  
GG: 'Um, no' yourself!  
GG: There's only one fuschia blood, right at the top of the hemospectrum!  
GG: She (YOU) rules all the other trolls with an iron fist!  
CC: Yeah)(, t)(at isn't really rig)(t at all!  
CC: T)(ere's only one, except w)(en t)(ere's MORAY t)(an one.  
GG: Blatant lies!  
GG: And poorly told lies at that, obvious falsehoods meant to make me doubt myself with your improbable, unprovable claims.  
GG: HAVE you any proof to back that up??  
GG: I thought not.  
CC: U)(.  
CC: W)(ale t)(ere's t)(e fact t)(at I )(aven't even )(ad my adult molt yet!!  
CC: I'm not s)(ore )(ow I was ruling the --EMPIR------E w)(en I wasn't even )(ATCH-----ED seven sweeps ago. 38P  
GG: And where is your proof?  
GG: Missing, I believe.  
CC: And )(ow expect me to prove somet)(ing dumb like T)(AT?  
GG: Your problem, not mine!  
GG: If you are unable to provide evidence to support your defense, that would be an issue on your side of the argument, and I will continue to believe my initial assertions.  
CC: Wow, S---EARIOUSLY?  
CC: Okay t)(en.  
CC: W)(ere's the proof t)(at YOU'R----E anything moray than a silly little wiggler PR--ET------ENDING to be grown up?  
CC: (don't answer because t)(ere isn't proof because it's totally TRU----E!)  
CC: (OOOOOOO)(!!! 38O )  
  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] has blocked gutsygumshoe [GG]


	12. Eridan♠Kanaya: In Which Eridan And Kanaya Fight Over His Supposed Knowledge Of Science

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Mamestuck's art](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/19285.html?thread=5016661#cmt5016661)

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]  
  
GA: So  
GA: This Wand Of Science  
GA: I Believe You Should Talk To Me About That  
CA: yeah wwell wwhats to fuckin talk about  
CA: you wwouldnt understand  
CA: since wwhen havve you evver givven a single glubbin fuck about science  
GA: Try Me  
CA: try you wwhat  
CA: try you science  
GA: I Mean Try Confounding Me With This Supposed Knowledge That You Possess And I Do Not  
GA: Instead Of Pretending Ignorance Because I Suspect You Have No Knowledge To Speak Of  
CA: i knoww plenty a science  
CA: this fuckin undeservved doubt is exactly the kind a thing im talkin about wwhen i say that wwe shouldnt talk about this  
CA: this is some serious fuckin slander on my character  
GA: Mmm  
GA: I Note That You Still Have Failed To Provide Me With Any Conversation That Pertains Directly To The Science In Question  
CA: wwell wwhy should i havve to  
CA: this is fuckin gatekeepin to the scientific community an since wwho the fuck just fuckin appointed you gatekeeper huh  
CA: youre gonna try an tell me that i cant be a troll a science just because i dont meet your arbitrary definitions a what science is  
GA: You Will Find That I Never Indicated That In The Slightest  
CA: yeah wwell you fuckin implied it didnt you  
GA: I Simply Attempted To Initiate A Conversation About Science  
GA: A Conversation You Have Been Fighting To Avoid  
GA: You May Notice That You Have Made Various Inflammatory Statements About My Mental Abilities And Intentions  
CA: you said that you didnt think i could havve that convversation at all  
GA: I Merely Stated My Beliefs About Your Dedication To The Ideals Of Science  
GA: In Greater Detail  
GA: I Am Nearly Certain That You Consider Science To Be Nearly Another Sort Of Magic  
GA: A Of Mysterious And Unknowable Force  
CA: fuckin slander is wwhat that is  
CA: howw dare you compare science to magic wwhen magic is just a useless crock a bullshit an lies  
GA: Prove Me Wrong  
GA: I Invite You To Humiliate Me As Thoroughly As Possible With The Depths Of Your Scientific Knowledge  
CA: wwell if youre gonna be such a pain in the ass about it im perfectly fuckin fine wwith humiliatin you more thoroughly than you evver evven dreamed  
CA: lets start at the basics  
CA: cogito ergo sum  
CA: ha bet you dont evven knoww wwhat that means  
CA: wwhats the point a talkin about this any more wwhen you dont evven knoww that much  
GA: I Think Therefore I Am  
CA: wwhat  
CA: wwhats that kind a bullshit havve to do wwith this  
GA: ...  
GA: Are You Serious  
CA: wwhat


	13. Rose & Eridan: In Which Rose Confronts Eridan About His Faults, And Something Maybe, Possibly Sinks In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Mamestuck's fic](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/22187.html?thread=6585515#cmt6585515)
> 
> Warning for mention of death and dismemberment in this story

          You're just walkin through the halls a the meteor, mindin your own fuckin business, when you turn the corner an you hear your cape _rip._ It's Lalonde. A course it's Lalonde, who the fuck _else_ would it be? You might be stuck on this piece a rock with a bunch a fuckin assholes who completely fail to appreciate you an recognize all a your merits, but Lalonde is far an away the biggest fuckin asshole a them all.  
  
          Even when you demand to know what the fuck she thinks she's doin, she tries to play it off all like she's got no idea what you're talkin about. Like it fuckin doesn't matter if you know _how_ she did it, when you know full fuckin well that _she did it._ But no, all she wants to do is try to lord some kind a superiority over you, like you don't already put up with enough bullshit from the trolls _an_ humans on the meteor tryin to do the same to you night after night after night.  
  
         Oh oh, fuckin delightful. It's time to rub the whole 'bluh bluh kan almost killed you bluh bluh she should have finished the job' in your face. An you don't miss the way she fuckin looks at your robotic legs, like you're supposed to fuckin be ashamed a survivin gettin cut in fuckin _half._ Yeah, you're real ashamed that Kan got all spun up over you just killin a few people who were fuckin _askin_ for it.  
  
          So yeah, this is all real snide an totally original an you are so fuckin _hurt,_ whatever. Yeah, yeah, threats a violence, that's definitely somethin a troll would never expect, especially one who's been doin FLARP since pupation. She's all 'me an mine,' tryin to make it out like it's 'you vs. us,' well that's just perfectly fuckin fine because that's how your life has _always_ been, hasn't it?  
  
         You're basically just rollin your eyes at how she thinks she's a credible threat or somethin when she stops an just stares at you with those freaky fuckin alien eyes a hers. In an entirely different tone, she tells you that you were never so alone until you decided to drive away everyone who cared about you. And that if you'd ever loved anyone but yourself, maybe someone would maybe have loved you.  
  
         You. She. She says her piece an turns away without waitin for a response, an once you're sure she's on her way, you just lean back against the wall an let yourself sink down until you're sittin with your face buried in your knees, an do your best not to fuckin _think._


	14. Rose♦Terezi: In Which Rose And Terezi Discuss The Importance And Meaning Of Justice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Mamestuck's fic](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/22187.html?thread=6587819#cmt6587819%22)

         Rose is clearly uninterested in the conversation you wish to initiate. But! You will persevere! You are absolutely certain that she finds the ideas interesting to discuss, so the burden is on you to invest her in the conversation! And, well. It is an topic which _you_ are certainly invested in, and there is sadly nobody else on this meteor with whom you can discuss the issue.   
  
          There's been a few minutes of silence, now. Rose is slouched across her chair, and seems to be making an attempt to forget that your last question even happened, so you pose it again. "Given a chance to think it through, would you say that my killing Vriska was right and just?"  
  
         She groans. "I still fail to see why you are so intent on splitting hairs when it comes to the definition of justice. And I would certainly qualify that as a leading question. That phrasing presupposes a positive answer, and I wouldn't class justice and morality as identical concerns. Correlated perhaps, but even apart from determining a single consistent definition, I'd say that they vary considerably between individuals."  
  
         Despite her reluctance, you have ensnared her! You make a note that the best way to capture a Rose appears to be that same splitting of hairs that she seems to be complaining about. "Yes, but you also come from a very different cultural background than me! Your world encompassed dozens of governments and religions. Alternia was the center of an empire that spanned galaxies! And yet with a single, unifying ideology."  
  
          "An environment where all failure to conform is immediately eliminated, yes. And yet, I believe you will find that you have changed considerably even in the brief time since our acquaintance began. Your devotion to the ideal of 'justice' must be wavering, or we wouldn't be having this conversation."  
  
         You laugh. "I remain extremely devoted to justice! However, I am interested in constructing a thorough definition of the term without relying on the structure of Alternian Imperial Law."  
  
         She leans forward in her chair. "So do you wish to find another legal system to lean upon? Or do you intend to construct your own from the ground up? In either scenario, I believe you are establishing yourself as the final, infallible arbiter, the only one permitted to define what is right and what is wrong. How does that make you different from those who wrote the Alternian law you are attempting to break away from?"  
  
         "Hmmm. An interesting point! But wouldn't the proper approach be to establish a framework and divest myself of this ultimate authority?" You wrinkle your nose at her. "Is nihilism a better answer? Or do you believe that just because rules make _you_ uncomfortable that other people shouldn't want them? Because I fail to see how that ideology is any better than mine!"  
  
          "No," she murmurs. "I'm no nihilist. I might wish I _could_ be, but I've spoken with horrorterrors and experienced things that I cannot even describe. There _is_ a rulebook, and it is not fair, pretty, or just. Given that, I'm having difficulty understanding why you _care_ so strongly."  
  
         You take a moment to think, humming to yourself. "I think there is an important distinction between just existing and being _alive._ If life has no meaning, then how can you call yourself really alive? And what is meaning without the context of society? And the bones of society are justice. I might not know where we're going any more than you do, and who knows if we'll make it out alive, but I don't think I'd really be _living_ anymore if I didn't care about justice."

         


	15. Dave/Karkat: In Which They Are Secretly Living In An Infomercial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Reikabow's art](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/19475.html?thread=5764371#cmt5764371)

turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]  
  
TG: okay dude  
TG: this will not stand  
TG: i need you to be real upfront and tell me the truth  
TG: have you actually poured a single bowl of cereal in the last week that did not ultimately result a spilled gallon of milk  
CG: OH, THAT'S RICH.  
CG: WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME HOW MANY TIMES YOU'VE MANAGED TO TRIP OVER THE GARDEN HOSE??  
CG: I'M STARTING TO THINK THIS IS SOME BIZARRE FETISH OF YOURS, OR ELSE WHY WOULD YOU EVEN *WALK* DOWN THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE SO OFTEN?  
CG: YOU'D THINK THAT AFTER THE SECOND, OR EVEN AFTER THE THIRD TIME, YOU MIGHT HAVE FIXED THE HOSE, BUT APPARENTLY NOT.  
TG: yeah real cute  
TG: at least my imaginary fetish is better than the way you seem to get off on spilling food  
CG: YOUR ALIEN LACTATE JUGS AREN'T WELL-DESIGNED.  
TG: no man its not just the milk  
TG: how about the way you cant sit on the couch without dumping whatever food youre carrying all over yourself  
TG: i can date our meals by the strata between the cushions  
TG: its a more than daily ritual with you  
TG: make food carry food spill food on the couch  
TG: im starting to wonder how you havent starved to death yet since all meals are sacrificed to the dark and mysterious couch gods  
CG: FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR ELONGATED SEATING PLATFORM WITH A BARBED BONE BULGE.  
CG: JUST BECAUSE ALL YOUR MESSES DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH FOOD, YOU STILL DON'T GET TO ACT LIKE YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME.  
CG: WHY DON'T WE CONSIDER MY DAILY WAKE-UP?  
CG: THE SUN IS RISING, BIRDS ARE SINGING, AND DAVE IS SPILLING THE ENTIRE CONTENTS OF THE CABINETS ALL OVER THE KITCHEN.  
CG: IT MUST BE MORNING.  
CG: I HAVE TO SAY THAT IT'S IMPRESSIVE HOW YOU MANAGE TO COMPLETELY EMPTY CABINETS THAT AREN'T EVEN ABOVE HEAD HEIGHT, BUT YOU SEEM TO HAVE A TALENT FOR STUNNING INCOMPETENCE.  
TG: ok one sec hold your horses here  
TG: take it for granted that there are perfectly reasonable responses to these accusations and also plenty more failings on your part that i am being too noble to list right this very moment  
TG: but  
TG: does this all seem incredibly out of hand to you  
CG: NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT.  
CG: IT REALLY IS.  
TG: how do two people manage to fuck up basic household tasks on such an incredibly regular basis  
CG: ...I ACTUALLY HAVE NO IDEA.  
CG: BY ANY REASONABLE MEASURE, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.  
CG: ARE YOU SAYING THERE MIGHT BE SOMETHING ELSE THAT COULD BE AFFECTING US?  
TG: also you are completely incapable of cracking a single goddamn egg  
CG: OH, FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK.  
  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] has blocked turntechGodhead [TG]


	16. Porrim♠Cronus: In Which Cronus Tries To Pull Off Guyliner And Call It Fashion, And Porrim Disagrees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Reikabow's art](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/21508.html?thread=6066948#cmt6066948)

conjuredApprobation [CA] began trolling gracefulAdvocacy [GA]  
  
CA: porrim.  
CA: por.  
CA: you havwe to check this out!  
  
conjuredApprobation sent file hotselfie.png  
  
CA: nowv tell me is that hot or is that HOT?  
GA: ...  
GA: That is certainly.  
GA: So+mething.  
CA: oh come off it.  
CA: thats totally sexy and you knowv it.  
GA: May I ask what inspired yo+u to+ try eyeliner?  
CA: vwell howv about that it looks totally fucking hot on basically evweryone ivwe evwer seen vwearing it.  
CA: and nowv that includes ME.  
GA: O+f co+urse.  
GA: O+f co+ourse it do+es, dear.  
CA: oh for fucks sake.  
CA: i still dont knowv howv you manage to get so much more irritating than you already ARE vwehn you decide that its time to talk dowvn to me.  
CA: and i still dont knowv if youre seriously dumb enough to think i cant TELL.  
CA: plus i dunno vwhere you get off on criticizing me vwhen YOU vwear eyeliner all the time.  
GA: Yes, well.  
GA: It sho+uld be o+bvio+us eno+ugh that the difference is that o+ne o+f us kno+ws ho+w to+ apply eyeliner.  
GA: And o+ne o+f us do+esn't.  
CA: oh fuck off it isnt THAT hard.  
CA: any asshole could figure out howv to do it.  
GA: Mmm.  
GA: Indeed?  
GA: If so+, may I ask why yo+u apparently HAVEN'T figured o+ut ho+w to+ do+ so+?  
CA: um are you actually fucking blind?  
CA: because just look at my picture, I HAVWE got it figured.  
GA: O+h, believe me, I am lo+o+king at yo+ur picture.  
GA: I o+nly wish I wasn't.  
CA: vwhat the fucks evwen your problem??  
CA: it looks totally fine to me!  
GA: And yo+ur reaso+n fo+r placing do+wn a so+lid inch o+f makeup aro+und each eye?  
CA: vwell.  
CA: so I vwas starting on my first eye, okay, and that vwent vwell enough.  
CA: but vwhen I vwent to my other eye, it didnt come out quite symmetrical.  
CA: vwell Im not going out vwith it looking like THAT so i just movwed back to the first eye and touched it up so they looked the same.  
GA: And let me guess.  
GA: It still wasn't symmetrical, so+ yo+u were fo+rced to+ add makeup to+ yo+ur seco+nd eye.  
GA: And then had to+ add makeup to+ yo+ur first eye.  
GA: And the cycle repeated fo+r who+ kno+ws ho+w lo+ng.  
GA: Po+ssibly days.  
GA: At so+me po+int, yo+u decided this wo+rk was so+mething to+ be pro+ud o+f and sent me a picture.  
CA: yeah vwell fuck you too.  
CA: you know vwhat??  
CA: you think youre hot shit but im doing my reading and your makeup game is vweak as SHIT.  
CA: you can make fun of my eyeliner all you vwant but im going to master this junk better than you evwer dreamed of.  
CA: go layer on your green eyeshadowv, yeah, real imaginativwe there.  
CA: im gonna lock myself in my hivwe and learn evwerything there is to knowv.  
GA: O+h no+.  
GA: Sto+p.  
GA: Do+n't.  
GA: Do+n't lo+ck yo+urself in yo+ur hive.  
GA: I'll be so+ deso+late witho+ut yo+u.  
CA: and im gonna send evweryone selfies and tell them youvwe been teaching me.  
  
conjuredApprobation [CA] ceased trolling gracefulAdvocacy [GA]  
  
GA: CRO+NUS NO+  
GA: GET BACK HERE  
GA: YO+U GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT  
GA: CRO+NUS


	17. Kanaya♠Equius: In Which Equius Accidentally Uses Kanaya's Best Fabric As A Towel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [SonicSymphony's fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1665644/chapters/3534971)

          What happens first is that you notice your bolt of black silk has gone missing. You waste minutes searching for where you could have mislaid it, never mind that you know _exactly_ where you left it. You can't think what could possibly have happened, as your mother never interferes with your sewing and the only other guest in your hive is-- Ah. Oh dear. Oh _no._  
  
          You find Equius standing in another room, staring out a window, and you absolutely cannot bring yourself to look at the cloth he has clenched in his hand. That cost you _literally_ an entire month's allowance. Yards upon yards of finest silk, ordered _specially_ from halfway across the planet, only waiting for you to begin working on the patterns you spent _weeks_ selecting-- And he couldn't even cut a piece, no, he had to unwind the _entire thing._ And ruin it. When you call his name, he jumps and turns... and mops at his forehead with _your black silk._  
  
         When you ask him where he found that cloth, you already know what the answer is. But he refuses to reply to you. Even though he must _know_ that you know, even though he must be plainly able to see how absolutely _furious_ you are-- You can see the dawning look of understanding on his face, even as he breaks out into a fresh sweat, and _again_ absently wipes it away.  
  
          He tosses the bundle of cloth at you, hitting you in the chest, and you can't help wincing at the _disgusting_ dampness of the thing. And no, he couldn't even restrict himself to ruining a corner of your bolt, because you can see wet spots dotted here and there down its entire length. You're not even sure you can bring yourself to check the rest for salvageable sections. And then he has the _nerve_ to demand that you fetch him another towel.  
  
         You snarl some half-formed threat, captchalogue all your belongings in reach, and stalk away before you can do something rash. You eventually lean up against a wall to breathe and fold your... distressingly moist bolt of silk. Well. Although the fabric may do _you_ no good now, why not see whether you can do anything more to needle the troll responsible for ruining it? You think through the possibilities and feel your lips curl into a smile as you slowly walk back towards your sewing room.


	18. Eridan♦Terezi: In Which Eridan Gets A DUI And Tries (And Fails) To Convince Terezi To Spare Him From His Just Punishment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [SonicSymphony's fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1665644/chapters/3588593)
> 
> Warning for alcohol in this story

          Eridan Ampora has fucked up!  
  
          He has fucked up _incredibly hard!_  
  
          It begins when you are giving him a simple parking ticket. A small issue, perhaps, but nevertheless a violation! A particularly blatant one, as his vehicle sits no more than five feet from the 'no parking sign.' In fact, you do not even realize that it belongs to Eridan Ampora until he comes weaving over to you to protest that he doesn't deserve a ticket of any sort. When he misses the curb and falls flat on his face, you don't even feel bad about laughing at him!  
  
          You are rather surprised when it turns out that he isn't quite so drunk that he fails to recognize you. But you are positively shocked and delighted when he rips up the ticket, tells you to forget the whole thing, and drives away! He says this is his wriggling day, but you rather think it must be yours!  
  
          You give chase immediately, of course. And when you pull him over, oh dear, oh dear, the poor thing even _believes_ you when you tell him that your little breathalyzer witll tell you whether he's lying about it being his wriggling day. You almost feel bad about tricking him if he is so easy to deceive! But considering his blood alcohol content appears to be a .19, you absolutely do not feel bad about taking him off the road.  
  
          He still tries to escape from his just punishment, of course! His pleas and quivering lips are artfully brought into play, considering how drunk he is, but you remain steadily unconvinced! And oh my, even as you're trying to tell him that this isn't something that you can just ignore, he tries to flirt pale with his police offer. You knock him between the horns with your pen.  
  
          You do feel the tiniest bit bad that he managed to mess up this badly on his wriggling day, and as a wrigglerhood friend, you do offer him a ride back to his hive. He tucks the tickets you gave him into his wallet, and you suppose that you'll help him out by sending him a reminder message in the evening, since you aren't terribly certain he'll remember most of this day. He climbs onto your hoverbike behind you, and you tuck his arms firmly into place. If he passes out and falls off, you will... probably feel pretty bad about it. The thought doesn't occur to you until you're already in the air and en route, but the whole flight to his hive, your mind is filled with _don't throw up don't throw up don't throw up--_


	19. Eridan♦Karkat: Shieraki Gori Ha Yeraan (Dothraki), 'The Stars Are Charging For You' (Said To Someone Who Is Going Into Battle)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [SonicSymphony's fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1727669/chapters/3704417)
> 
> Warning for war and mention of death in this story

          You almost talk yourself out of saying anything, but finally you whisper, "It doesn't have to be you." That came out awful. You're such a fucking moron and you wish you hadn't said anything, so you scoop up a handful of sopor and work it into Eridan's hair. Fuck, what are you even _doing,_ he probably hates this, but he buries his face in the crook of your neck and purrs for you, and _god,_ you don't deserve him.  
  
         You freeze when he finally replies with a murmured, "Yes it does." And. Right. Yes, it doesn't _have_ to be, but it's _going_ to be and you understand why. The Empress trusts Eridan to finish this last front of the civil war, which is good. It's _important,_ and it's right for him, and it's right for everyone. But god do you wish you could go with him. You try so, so hard not to think about the fact that he may be a seadweller... but there are more seadwellers. You're absolutely not thinking about that, no, you're only thinking about how the Empress thinks that Eridan is the right one for the job, which means he _is_ right, and he'll be fine. Completely fine.  
  
         It's quiet for a while. Words stick in your throat when you try to talk. You just hold Eridan close and touch him, let him nuzzle up against your thorax and put your arms around his waist. You touch him everywhere, fins and face and arms, just memorizing the feel of him against you and absolutely _not thinking_ that this could be the last time you see him. He's still purring for you, and you want to wait until the last possible minute to leave, but eventually you can't put it off any longer.  
  
         You pump biscuit fucking _melts_ with the way he's looking up at you, all vulnerability and trust, and this is _absolutely fucking not_ the last time you're ever going to see him. You clear your throat twice, and finally force out, "The stars are charging for you." It's for. For precious treasures. And Eridan _is_ precious, and you have to leave him anyways, and-- He reaches out to you just the smallest bit, and you bend to kiss him, horns, fins, everywhere you can reach.  
  
         He takes your face in his hands, lays your foreheads together, and whispers, "I'll come home to you."


	20. Feferi/Kanaya: Soigne (French), Possessing An Aura Of Sophistication In Dress, Manner, Or Design, Presented Or Prepared With An Elegance Attained With Care Toward The Fine Details

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [SonicSymphony's fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1727669/chapters/3829345%22)
> 
> Warning for mention of fighting and death in this story.

          It's almost time for your first speech. You've been avoiding it and avoiding it, and you _know_ it has to happen, but that doesn't mean you have to _like_ it! But you're horribly, gut-wrenchingly nervous, and putting it off for perigees hasn't actually helped much. And it certainly doesn't help that you cheated in your fight against the old empress! She cheated more (and _first_ ), but you're still allowed to feel bad that you couldn't get a clean victory! And you definitely can't stop worrying that someone will _find out_ and then nobody will think you're worth having as empress at all.  
  
          There isn't much left but getting dressed and going to face the crowd. And when you look in the mirror, all you see is a stupid little _wiggler_ that accidentally tricked people into thinking she was someone important. Which isn't right! You _earned_ this, and you're going to do a good job no matter what! But you do your best not to think about that, and just listen to Eridan try to lecture you about ruthlessness and how to lead everything else silly that you know he's got no experience with either. It cheers you right up!  
  
          When Kanaya knocks on your door, it still makes you jump. She shoos Eridan out and carefully eases what _has_ to be your dress into the room. When she asks if you're ready, you know what she really means! And you are! You're allowed to be nervous, and it absolutely _doesn't_ mean that you're going to mess up at all. And, well. You're definitely less nervous now that Kanaya's here. It might be silly to think that she's going to fix everything (it's totally silly), but you still trust her to get you as close to empress as she can before you have to make the rest of the jump on your own.  
  
          Once you put on the dress she made, you think that must be more than half of the transformation right there! It's got _every_ color of the hemospectrum (even Karkat's mutant red!) and your sign is worked out in a lovely sweep from your shoulders to your hips, and when she ties a tyrian wrap around your waist, it's _wonderful._ You think you've never seen such a perfect piece of clothing in your life, and when you look at yourself in the mirror... Well. You feel better. The more she talks, the more you can feel the tension ease out of you. And when Kanaya tells you to look in the mirror, you see an empress.

         


	21. Eridan/Eridan: In Which Everyone Is Eridan Ampora. EVERYONE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [SonicSymphony's fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1792672/chapters/3994596)
> 
> (By the way, rewriting that story from a different POV is probably one of the most confusing jobs I've ever taken on, and it was a LOT of fun)

          Your life is so fuckin fantastic.  
  
          So you're just goin around, livin your life an all that, an out a the blue, Eridan confesses his everlastin love to you. Or yeah, a crush, whatever, but once he gets to know you, it's all goin to be basically the same thing.  
  
          You do feel a little bad though, because you'd been wonderin for a while if your other friend Eridan was plannin to ask you out anytime soon. You wouldn't be surprised or anythin. You're a fuckin _catch_ is what you are, an you don't miss the way Eridan looks at you. But you've been waitin for him to make a move fuckin _forever,_ an since Eridan asked you first, why aren't you allowed to say no? If Eridan wanted to ask you out, he should have done it already, he's had enough chances, but Eridan beat him to it.  
  
          An it's not like you mind the idea of datin Eridan. He's pretty much as hot as Eridan is, an you maybe enjoy your conversations with Eridan even more than your conversations with Eridan. But-- You want to be sure about this before you commit to it, _really_ sure, an out a nowhere, you find yourself headin off to Eridan's house without callin ahead or waitin for an invitation or nothin.  
  
          Eridan opens the door wearin some ratty old sweat pants, an it's the most fuckin adorable thing you've ever seen. He blushes to the tips a his fins when he sees you, and stumbles over the words a bit when he says, "H-- Hey, Eridan. What brings you here?"  
  
          "I need to talk to you, an I didn't want to wait." He didn't even invite you in. _So_ fuckin like him. "Why don't we sit on your couch?"  
  
          And what's this, would you look at that, you seem to be having sloppy makeouts, not a conversation. How did _that_ happen? Eridan seems to know exactly what you like, just how to move his tongue an his hands--  
  
          "What the fuck's happenin here??"  
  
          You and Eridan jump apart, an he even falls right off the couch. When you look up, Eridan is standing right next to the couch, arms folded and glarin down at the two a you.   
  
          "Eridan," Eridan gasps, "How'd you get in here?"  
  
          "Doesn't fuckin matter," Eridan says. "Eridan, you told me you weren't with him!"  
  
          You're lookin back and forth between Eridan and Eridan when Eridan hangs his head an mutters, "Because I wasn't with him when you asked. I. I'm sorry--"  
  
          Eridan snarls, "You've been leadin me on for fuckin _sweeps!_ How could you do this to me?"  
  
          You're still tryin to make sense of it all when Eridan turns on his heel and stalks out of Eridan's hive. Eridan turns to you an says, "Look, Eridan--"  
  
          But you know what's fuckin up. "You've been seein someone else flush on the side? Eridan, I thought you said you _liked_ me!"  
  
          "I do!" You stand, and Eridan grabs for your sleeve as you start to walk away. "Eridan, please just fuckin hear me out!"  
  
          But you tear away from him an leave him right there alone in his hive. Your face an fins are burnin as you head back to your own hive, an you're not even sure what just happened, but you are absolutely, positively sure of the fact that Eridan Ampora is a fuckin _douchebag._


	22. John♥Karkat: In Which John And Karkat Are About To Get Jiggy With It For The First Time, When Crabdad Walks In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [SonicSymphony's fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1876065/chapters/4048131)

          You guess it doesn't feel _that_ weird to be making out with an alien. You guess. It's not like you have much to compare it to, okay?? There are some things that are definitely different on humans compared to trolls. John's teeth are blunt. _Seriously_ blunt. You don't know what the fuck kind of apex predator he's supposed to be, but... it makes your stupidly dull fangs seem actually kind of dangerous in comparison, so you'll take it.   
  
          Also, you have no idea what the fuck you're supposed to be doing with your hands, but you don't think John does either, so you aren't beating yourself up too badly over that. You made it to the concupiscent platform without either of you tripping over their own feet, so that was an unexpected plus. And now you're just kind of kneeling over him and kissing him and hoping to all hell you're doing _something_ that he likes.  
  
          Okay. Well. Judging by the way his hands are kneading at your hips and holding your body down against his, you think you might be doing something right. And hey, you aren't even so stressed you're left completely unable to experience positive feelings. Fucking incredible. Both of you are breathing hard by the time you work up the courage to shift your weight to one arm and move your free hand to John's pants. He's just starting to slip his fingers under our waistband when--  
  
          "SCREEEEEEEEE!"  
  
          Good fucking god you have the most embarrassing lusus in the history of the universe.  
  
          "Go _away,_ dad, I'm kind of in the middle of something!"  
  
          "SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"  
  
          "Oh my god. Dad, you are _ruining the mood!!_ "  
  
          You are so fucking humiliated there are no words to describe it, and you have probably just lost all sexiness points for the rest of forever, but at least you can get your dad out of here as soon as fucking possible. You try to get the strife over with as quickly as you can, but your dad won't take a goddamn _hint_ until finally you manage to shut the door on him, _lock_ it this time, and sink to the ground with your head in your hands. You are blushing so fucking hard. "Sorry."  
  
          John grins. "It's... okay? Is he coming back or can we start making out again?"  
  
          That startles you into a single laugh. "Fucking hell, you have stamina. Give me a minute to catch my breath."  
  
          "Well, Karkat, you know I am the _heir of breath..._ "  
  
          Fucking _fuck_ there is no reason he should be so cute when he's being so dumb. You're still as embarrassed as all shit, but you find it in you to smile, take his hand, and climb back onto the concupiscent platform.


	23. Vriska & Spidermom: In Which Vriska Tries To Deal With How Her Mother Died

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Scribblescruff's art](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/19285.html?thread=4970069#cmt4970069%22)
> 
> Warning for parental abuse, parental death, and discussion of death and killing in this story

AG: So are you dead or wh8t?  
AG: Yes?  
AG: No?  
AG: H8w a8out a little leg wiggle?  
AG: N8thing?  
AG: ...  
AG: GOOD.  
AG: Or n8t good.  
AG: Fuck, I don't kn8w.  
AG: 8ut you couldn't even m8ke it easy on me at the very end, huh?  
AG: Can't say I'm surprised.  
AG: D8n't you even remem8er when I was just a wiggler and you used to actually, you know, 8e a p8rent?  
AG: ...It was.  
AG: Nice.  
AG: You used to t8ke me riding on your 8ack and teach me h8w to hunt and stuff.  
AG: Until you started m8king me just go do the hunting for you.  
AG: Wh8t the fuck was even your pro8lem, huh????????  
AG: How the hell do you end up as one of the 8iggest predat8rs on the planet and decide to go find a WIGGLER to feed you instead 8f d8ing it yourself?  
AG: And then y8u can't even 8e any good at that!  
AG: N8, then it's time to go get yourself killed 8y a shitty, 8roken doomsday device!  
AG: That f8cking thing was never even g8ing to work.  
AG: Like I was g8ing to sell that dum8ass s8mething that would ACTUALLY kill all the l8nddwellers.  
AG: 8ut no, it goes off, h8lf a hive f8lls on you, and whoops!  
AG: Time t8 check out 8f life!  
AG: Yeah, I w8s h8rd to t8ke down, 8ut at least I went d8wn swinging!!!!!!!!  
AG: ...  
AG: Except y8u D8DN'T even f8cking do th8t, did you.  
AG: No.  
AG: TH8T'S when you decided th8t it would 8e the perfect time t8 just writhe around f8r a while, N8T DYING, and make ME finish the jo8.  
AG: Wh8t kind of m8m does that to her kid????????  
AG: Pro8a8ly the same s8rt of mom that m8de her kid spend SWEEPS hunting other kids to keep her f8t ass fed.  
AG: 8ut how to t8p such a sh8tty pupahood?  
AG: 8f course!  
AG: Hugely c8ntrived alm8st-death th8t's my 8wn fucking fault for sitting in the s8me g8ddamn cany8n for SWEEPS, 8ut not actual death, 8ecause th8t would 8e too easy!  
AG: I'll m8ke Vriska finish me 8ff, 8ecause apparently I c8n't even die with 8asic dignity!  
AG: Sure, it might such t8 m8ke a kid kill her 8wn m8m, 8ut luckily I g8t her nice 8nd ready with a f8ntastic f8cking pup8hood of murder, murd8r, 8nd m8re murd8r 8ecause I'm such a gr8 p8rent!  
AG: Lusus 8f the sweep aw8rd, th8t's me!  
AG: M8m.  
AG: H8w the f8ck c8n y8u d8 this t8 me????????


	24. Mindfang♠Redglare: In Which Redglare Takes Forty Of Mindfang's Beers. That's As Many As Four Tens. And That's Terrible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Scribblescruff's art](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/19285.html?thread=4937045#cmt4937045)
> 
> Warning for alcohol and mild sexual content (mostly referencing sex pollen) in this story

spinneretMindfang [SM] began trolling neophyteRedglare [NR]  
  
SM: YUOO  
SM: YOU  
SM: YOu did a TH8/NG  
NR: why my d34r m1ndf4ng!!  
NR: wh4t3v3r could b3 th3 m4tt3r?  
SM: Fuck youu  
SM: Nd fuck yuor m8tter  
NR: why m1ss m1ndf4ng!! >8O  
SM: SHUT8p  
SM: You took the th8ng  
SM: Liqouor  
SM: You sto;e allof my godmamn ACLOHOL  
NR: why, 1 would n3v3r do such 4 t3rr1bl3 th1ng!!  
NR: you w1ll not1c3 th4t 1 l3ft you on3 (1) v3ry, v3ry full bottl3 of sp1r1ts!  
SM: Yeaah,see  
SM: Thats' 8ecuase  
SM: You D8D ssoemthign to it  
NR: 1 most c3rt41nly d1d not do ssoemthign to 1t!  
SM: SHTU THEFUCK UP  
SM: YOUU KNWO WHAT I MEEAN  
SM: Ths8s  
SM: Th8s th8gn  
SM: Yuor= fault  
SM: You didd it  
NR: who, m3?? >8O  
SM: DO'NT YUO FCUCKIN GPLAY DUM8  
NR: 1 would do no such th1ng!  
NR: or, w3ll.  
NR: 1 s1mply w4nt3d to m4k3 som3 4djustm3nts for h4v1ng l3ft you w1th but 4 s1ngl3 bottl3 of 4lcohol.  
NR: so 1t w4s 4lt3r3d just 3nough to m4k3 1t on3 (1) 3xc3pt1on4lly POT3NT bottl3 of 4lcohol.  
SM: Yuouu 8ICTH  
NR: oh d34r, d1d 1 m4k3 1t too strong for you to h4ndl3?  
NR: 1 do 4polog1z3  
NR: 1t's only th3 r3c1p3 1 us3 b4ck 4t my h1v3 wh3n my m4t3spr1t 4nd 1 w4nt to h4v3 a fun morn1ng.  
NR: 1 should h4v3 4ccount3d for your d3l1c4t3 const1tut1on.  
SM: YOUk NOW WH8T  
SM: F8KC  
SM: YUO  
SM: tha'ts rihgt  
SM: YOU  
SM: OYUR the one whos' FUKCdE  
NR: mmm, 1 r4th3r th1nk not! >8(  
NR: h4v3 you n3v3r h34rd of wh1sk3y bulg3?  
NR: 1 b3l13v3 th4t no m4tt3r how 3nthus14st1c4lly you m4y 4tt3mpt to c4rry out your thr34t, you w1ll f1nd yours3lf to b3 4 suff3r3r of th4t tr4g1c cond1t1on!  
SM: AN Dfuck youur stupdi f8cckign text thnig to.  
NR: oh d34r, you'r3 so drunk your r34d1ng sk1lls 4r3 go1ng too??  
NR: 1'll do my b3st to us3 short3r words, th3n.  
SM: Yuou tookmy 8ooze?  
NR: th4t 1s wh4t w4s pl41nly st4t3d 4bov3, y3s.  
SM: Wh8td' you do wwiht iT?  
NR: w3ll!  
NR: s1nc3 1 m4d3 4 g1ft to you of my own sup3r1or 4lcohol, 1 took th3 opportun1ty to s4mpl3 som3 of yours, 4s 4 f41r 4nd 3qu4l 3xch4ng3.  
SM: The reaklly good shhit?  
NR: but of cours3!! >8)  
SM: Ahahaaaha  
SM: AHAhahahahahaaaaaaahahaha  
NR: wh4t's so funny??  
SM: Ahaaha  
SM: Thegood shti.  
SM: I'ts EXTRAA good.  
SM: AHAHAAAAHHAHA@!  
NR: ...  
NR: you D1DN'T.  
NR: wh4t 1s th1s??  
NR: th1s 1s 4 s3x poll3n, 1sn't 1t???  
SM: ::l;;D  
NR: oh my god, you 4SSHOL3.  
NR: you g3t up h3r3 4nd h3lp m3 w1th th1s R1GHT NOW!  
SM: Oosps sorr,y wh8skye 8ulge  
SM: Gottat go sleep thsi one off  
SM: HVAE FUN  
  
spinneretMindfang [SM] has blocked neophyteRedglare [NR]


	25. Damara♠Horuss: In Which Damara And Horuss Have A Pitch Fling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Seiryunohoshi's fic](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/18819.html?thread=4065155#cmt4065155)
> 
> Warning for violence, blood, and hemocasteism in this story

          He seems content to watch you, his hands loosely held in yours. So you raise one hand to your mouth and bite down. _Hard._ His grip is painfully tight, so of course you regret nothing. Preemptive punishment.  
  
         He jumps and shouts, and you just grin, rolling the blood back and forth in your mouth. “馬鹿馬おとこ。手放す。怒りを解放する。”  
  
         He glares and shakes his bitten hand. "So do you have a reason for failing to speak a language your companions can understand? Don't bother to answer, of horse not. It would behoove you to act more appropriately, but what else would I expect from one placed so low on the hemospectrum?"  
  
         "You shut up." Your hand is bruising where he's still holding it far too firmly.  
  
         His mouth hangs open and he says, " _Excuse_ me?"  
  
         “うるさいよ。触れるだけで喜んで悲鳴を上げる。黒いこころからあい。” You only grin harder and deliberately lick the blue from your fangs.  
  
         "So. So _depraved,_ and yet so-- repulsive-- Neigh, your _arrogance,_ even in the face of your clear superior-- Tantalizing." He pulls you closer to him. "A clear example of the importance of corrective culling."  
  
         “試してみて。私はあなたを破る。とても簡単。”  
  
         "If you canternunciate in a civilized language, I would STRONGLY advice you not to speak at all."  
  
         He finally drops your hand to wipe the sweat from his face, and you sneer up at him. So disgusting. You pull him down by the front of his shirt and... _nearly_ go to kiss him. When his eyes are shut and his lips parted, you turn to the side and bite his jaw. He doesn't fight you. You can feel him breathing against your cheek while blood drips down your chin. His hands are tense around your arms, clenching and unclenching, leaving bruises.  
  
         You pull back just enough to shove him backwards into a tree. He looks entirely lost, and you roll your eyes. You step up close, then too-close, until he begins to lower his horns toward you, and before he can react, you twitch his goggles off his face. While he's still blinking and adjusting, you take him by the chin and turn his head, biting him once more, on the neck. It's hard and vicious, and he's still getting his hands settled on your hips, when you break away and turn. You walk away without giving him so much as a look.  
  
         “次回 うま男。”  
  
\--  
"Idiot horse man. Let go. I release the anger."  
“Is noisy. Scream with pleasure at the touch. Love from the black heart.”  
“Try. I break you. Very easy.”  
“Next time, horse man.”


	26. Condesce/Psiioniic: And I Must Scream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Seiryunohoshi's fic](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/21508.html?thread=6300420#cmt6300420%22)
> 
> Warning for body horror (mouth and helmsman things) in this story.

  
          Aww, your babe is so much _nicer_ now that he's not just screamin' all the time! You had the psionics on lock from the start of course, 'cause you ain't fuckin' dumb, but most of your old helms just let the conditionin' take 'em sooner or later. This dude held out for a long time, but wirin' his jaw shut just made this all soooo much better for everyone. He still cries, but it's sure a lot more fuckin' quiet. An that means you get to lick the tears off his face, so this whole thing is just win/win.  
  
          You ain't cruel, though! You keep him company, even eat half your coddamn meals with him instead of dinin' in state the way you're fuckin' entitled. You even read him reports from your warships, so he doesn't hafta scan the data feeds for 'em! You are the best fuckin' badass beach to ever lead an empire. Look how good you are to even your _starship engine,_ c'mon.  
  
          An' y'know what? This helm's pretty fuckin' fantastic. He's good enough that it'd be a waste to let him live just a yellow lifespan. An' even after you stretch his life out hundreds of sweeps past what it shoulda been, he's still keepin' shop in his pan, an' it's seariously soooo interestin' to watch.  
  
          So you play around with him a little! You make shella last minute course corrections just to watch him react, and it's way fascinatin' the ways he tries to fight back within the helm conditionin'. Nothin' to give you any grief, of course! You're having a majorly fuckin' good time, an' this is pretty much the best.  
  
          At the end, you try to save him. You try to save him past when you stop tryin' to save everyone else in the coddamn empire. You don't _wanna_ live without him. He's yours an' you want him an' you _won't_ let him die--  
  
          He makes one last noise at the end. One last choked sound after thousands of sweeps of fuckin' silence. An' he's _laughin'_ at you. One last dry, wheezin' laugh, an' you just stand there feelin' the universe so empty an' _dead_ around you, starin' at him fadin' away an' not able to think about anythin' else but the way he's _laughin'._ The last thing he does is look at you an' do somethin' you've never seen from him. He smiles an' dies, an' then you're alone in the universe.


	27. Condesce & Jake & Jane & Jade & John: In Which The Condesce Thinks About Her Children

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Hoshi_ryo's fic](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/19475.html?thread=5842451#cmt5842451)
> 
> Warning for death in this story.

          You're not plannin to play ACTUAL lusus to these ugly alien wigglers you got stuck with. You got bigger an better things to spend your time on, not takin care of these stupid-ass little fucks that somehow manage to be efin _more_ irritatin that troll wigglers. They're not even fuckin ambulatory for the first few perigees, what the shell?  
  
          So yeah, _no,_ you have zero fuckin plans to... do whatever it is lusii are supposed to even do. If these aliens are anyfin like trolls, they're just gonna stab you in the back as soon as they pupate anyways. An hey, ain't like _your_ mom ever did shit for you, an you turned out just fine. Maybe human lusii don't kill their wigglers, durr durr, not even if they're _totally_ fuckin useless, but you can totally get by with just makin shore they don't die on you or whatev.  
  
          An then of course things go to fuckin _shit_ an you hafta try again on a _new_ alien planet, and you know karma ain't real, because if it was there's no way in _hell_ the cosmos would let you get saddled with alien wigglers for a _second coddamn time._  
  
          Jake left you early, which was _majorly_ fuckin convenient an actual decent behavior, which you had _not_ been expectin from these aliens. Shore, he shot your husband in the head, which, wow, shella rude, but that's some proper trollish behavior right there. Might piss you off somefin fierce, but you can respect that. 'Course, Jane made up for it by sticking around for-fuckin- _ever,_ until you bailed outta the first universe and landed in the second.  
  
          Jade reminds you of Jake, which is good, specially if it means she'll fuck off early like he did. An hey, she's a responsible little pupa, not the kinda girl who'd go off murderin other people's husbands. You like that. You two hate each other somfin fierce, but in a companionable sorta way, an you secretly make sure she's got _plenty_ of money for whatever she's gonna do with herself (an hey, she can totally resent you for havin to credit her independence entirely to your generosity).  
  
          John-- John. You fuckin hate humans, okay, but John's a good pupa. He sticks around, just like Jane, but he doesn't hate you. Like, at _all._ An efin though you never get around to really playin lusus for him, he seems to, uh. Actually enjoy bein around you. And you think you kinda sorta like havin him around too. It actually. Hurts. To see him age an fade, an him callin you 'mom' right until the very end. An when you go to kill Jade, she hates you just as much as you hate her, but she calls you 'mom' too, an you wonder if she believes you when you say you wish you didn't hafta do this.


	28. Darkleer♥Condesce: In Which There Is A Bloodswap, And A Red-Blooded Mutant Is Executed By The Alternian Empire As Olive-Blooded Horuss Zahhak Looks On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Hoshi_ryo's fic](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/19475.html?thread=5832211#cmt5832211)
> 
> Warning for (non-explicit) torture, blood, death, and hemocasteism

          You watch, powerless to do anything, as the executioner's claws sink into her stomach. Mutant red spills onto the ground, and you close your eyes while Meenah _screams._ You can tell when they reach her blasphemous (beautiful) gills by the way every breath she takes bubbles and lurches.   
  
          You can't see the Grand Highblood's eyes behind his red and blue glasses, but he's smiling from ear to ear. And His Imperious Condescension doesn't even seem to care. He's examining his claws and picking at the tyrian lacquer, not paying the slightest bit of attention to the execution. You distantly feel like you should be horrified. But. You're just too numb. This all feels like a horrible dream, but you can hear the screaming (it never stopped) and smell the blood and feel the press of the crowd around you.  
  
          Kurloz is there next to you, drugged half out of his pan with psionic limiters on his hands. You carefully don't look at the way they've stitched his mouth shut. Damara is on the other side of him, and your eyes meet for a moment before you both turn back to Meenah.   
  
          The executioner takes her time. She stops to lick blood from her claws every so often and return to her work, as Meenah remains horribly, interminably alive. Of course it is a revenge. You've seen trolls tortured for far less, and you. You always knew that when you were caught (it was never 'if'), your deaths would not be easy. Perhaps they've heard the rumors that the Signless has a talent for preserving life, even restoring life to the deceased.   
  
          You'd... hoped that His Condescension would disbelieve those rumors. They are truly fantastic and improbable. However, you've seen Meenah's abilities for yourself, and the rumors do her no justice. Perhaps they want to test her. It is more likely they simply want to make her pay. But the more the executioner tears into her, you are sickeningly aware that. Meenah will not be able to restore herself. This is too much. Even for her. What's left up there is barely recognizable as a troll, and _she's still breathing._  
  
          You've always been exceptionally strong. Your bonds were stronger, until this moment. Something in your shoulder wrenches as you tear free, and you ignore it. You shove past the guards before they have time to raise their weapons, and you reach Meenah. And you end it. One merciful blow, and it's done. The executioner smiles at you as you meet her eyes, a chilling, intense blue. And then you run, leaving her laughter echoing behind you.


	29. Rose♥Kanaya: In Which Kanaya's Lifespan Is Much Longer Than Rose's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [SonicSymphony's fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1952025/chapters/4251540)
> 
> Warning for mention of sex and discussions of death in this story.

          Strictly speaking, this isn't your fault... but you still feel dreadful about it. It isn't _anyone's_ fault. It would be an unbelievable coincidence if the first alien race you'd ever encountered had lifespans comparable to that of a human. And, well. You rather seem to be coming up short.  
  
          From what you can tell, you would almost certainly outlive a rustblood or brownblood. You'll probably live about as long as Sollux will. Unfortunately, you seem to be in love with a jadeblood. Neither of you has any exact numbers, but she'll probably live for at least two hundred years, and there is absolutely no doubt that she will continue to exist for quite some time after you have reached the outer possible limits of a human lifespan.  
  
          So yes, nobody can strictly be _blamed,_ but you still feel terrible. You and Kanaya didn't discuss it for years at first, because you were both still young, and you felt immortal. After a decade, you carefully _didn't_ raise the topic because you absolutely did not want to think about it. But after twenty years, you weren't able to ignore the fine lines at the corners of your eyes and mouth, while Kanaya still looked as young and beautiful as when you met her.  
  
          She tells you often that you're just as beautiful to her as you ever were, and you even think she means it. You're grateful to her for that. And you make a point of making sure she knows how important she is to you. Now that your joints and eyes aren't quite what they used to be, it's wonderful to have someone around the hive who's so in tune with your needs and preferences. And you find it in yourself to joke with her, teasing that everyone who sees the two of you out together must wonder just how well-laid Kanaya must be getting for her to put up with a wrinkly old thing like you.  
  
          You both know what's coming, and that it can't be too far off. You've made your peace with it. She says she has, and you hope she's right. You just worry that you're leaving her alone, having selfishly used her from your childhood to death, and yet having failed to stand beside her for even half of her lifespan. You try not to remember how much living she has left to do. You do your best to avoid thinking about how badly you are going to hurt her, and you never stop hoping that death will wait for just a few years more.


	30. Eridan♥Karkat: In Which Eridan Is In A Car Accident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [SonicSymphony's fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1952025/chapters/4341354)
> 
> Warning for mention of injury in this story.

          You wave at the webcam an do your best not to look dead on your feet when Kar calls. An a fuck, you forgot you hadn't been _planning_ to wave, because a course right away he notices that your rings are gone.  
  
          You maybe aren't quite smilin, but you think you look pretty decent when you prop your head on your hand an try to shrug it off. "Dad cut me off an rent's due in two days. It got me the money."  
  
          Kar looks fuckin horrified. An. Uh. Yeah, you're not feelin too great about the whole situation either, but you swallow around the lump in your throat an pull out the last ring you've got left, hangin on a chain around your neck. "Kept this one to cover next month's rent." It's cheap an it's plastic an Kar gave it to you as a joke an it's _seriously_ fuckin cheap. An you _refuse_ to even think about gettin rid a it.  
  
          The jokin around makes Kar relax, though, and he says, "Very funny, dumbass. Why did Daddy Ampora stop showering you with money?"  
  
          You wince. You weren't _tryin_ to hide it from Kar, but it sucks so bad an you've been doin your best not to think about it. "I sort a... totaled my car." Are you blushing? Ugh, you're probably blushing. "The one that cost. You know. Three hundred and fifty thousand dollars. The one he _just_ bought as a college graduation present. That car."  
  
          "You wrecked it _that bad??_ " He leans toward his computer, glarin like he's furious, but aww, with Kar you know that just means he cares. "You brain-dead _idiot,_ are you even okay?"  
  
          "Bet I'd be better if I got to see you in person."  
  
          " _Eridan._ "  
  
          You shrug an do your best to sound lighthearted. "My car was built well. Should've been hurt worse than I was, but I got lucky."  
  
          Haha. Uh. That maybe wasn't the most tactful way to put it. You can practically see Kar's blood pressure shootin up from across the screen. "So you _did_ get hurt."  
  
          You shove the chair back an carefully lift your right leg to show him your cast. "It's just broken in three places." He rolls his eyes at the 'just,' an you ignore him. "Nowhere that would fuck up my knee or ankle, an they're clean breaks. There's some cuts an bruises, but I'll be fine in no time at all."  
  
          He rubs his forehead and sighs. You. Really wish he wasn't in Europe. You wish he was home. You mean, rightfully speakin he should be havin the time a his life on study abroad, an you didn't want to stress him out over your dumbass shit that he couldn't have fixed. But it's seriously fuckin hard not havin him here, an you're _not_ goin to cry on camera and wreck things for him.  
  
          He asks, "Is there anything I can do?"  
  
          You carefully do _not_ say 'come home.' Because he'd do it, that's the fuckin problem. It takes you a second to force your face into somethin like a grin, an then you say, "Let's watch a movie. Take my mind off all a this bullshit."  
  
          He gives you a look like he knows what you're doin, but hey. He asked what he could do an you _said!_ He finally growls, "Are you going to trust my fucking impeccable taste for once, or are we going to play the game where I go through my entire library multiple times while you spend more time picking a movie than we do actually watching it?"  
  
          You let your lip wibble at him. "I was in an _accident,_ Kar."  
  
          He rolls his eyes an says, "I'll let you get away with that shit, because against all better judgment, I seem to actually care for you. But I want it to go on the record that you can be a complete _asshole._ "


End file.
